Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize