yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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