i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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