We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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