How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
