My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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