Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
