Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
