I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
