This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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