first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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