You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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