they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
