If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
