thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
