i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
