Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
