life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize