Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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