like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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