So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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