exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
