my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
