too bad you live with your parents still
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
