tell your sister to shave her snatch
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
