Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
