guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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