who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
