I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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