I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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