Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
