Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
