The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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