i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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