I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
