Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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