oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize