i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
