Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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