Define "chronic" masturbator.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
