so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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