I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
