I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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