dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's always time for handjobs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
