Moan for me like Helen Keller
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
