I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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