those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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