and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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