there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
