As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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