you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
