i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
