so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
