there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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