sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
