No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
