jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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