as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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