ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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