Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We have so much sex to catch up on
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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