I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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