Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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