We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
