I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
