lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
