I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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