I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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