My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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