i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
