Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
