I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
