I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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