I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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