she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
