Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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