So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
