worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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