Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
