the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
