So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
