Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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