i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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