the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
