But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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