No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize