idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I checked into jail on foursquare
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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