I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
