i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
