i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
