hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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