you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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