i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
