Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
