He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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