people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
