Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
