if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
