I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
