I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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