You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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