He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
