I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize