That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize