We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize