Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
