i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I booty called her while she was in labor.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize