You really coming over, don't trick.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I will be naked everywhere
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
