I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she peed on how many people?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Enjoy the penises
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
