i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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