Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's the barista slut.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
