I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
