Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize