I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
